How to have a calm Christmas
Review of Calm Christmas and a Happy New Year by Beth Kempton (2019, 227 pages)
As much as I love celebrating Christmas with my nearest and dearest, it can be a really stressful time of year! It is easy to get caught up in the preparations, trying to meet expectations, and frantically attempting to create the ‘picture perfect’ Christmas that you see on social media, all while juggling work commitments and the numerous events that begin to fill up the school calendar.
You might find that after ‘the big day’ you are feeling worn out, fatigued and promising yourself that next year will be different. In Calm Christmas and a Happy New Year*, Beth Kempton encourages you to take stock of what Christmas means to you and helps you to figure out what you want from the festive season and how you can celebrate it in a way that is authentic to you and your loved ones.
*Disclosure: If you buy books linked to my site, I may earn a commission from Bookshop.org, whose fees support independent bookshops.
The book served as a guiding light for me as I made arrangements for Christmas last year. I started reading it at the beginning of November which was just about right in terms of being able to follow each section of the book in a timely manner towards Christmas Day. So, if you want to read this book as you go along (like I did) then I’d recommend picking up a copy as soon as possible! It is also worth listening to The Calm Christmas Podcast as it makes a wonderful companion to the book. However, you can join the book wherever you are in the process of organising Christmas since it is broken down into three parts: Before Christmas, During Christmas and After Christmas.
Importantly, Kempton also acknowledges that Christmas can generate mixed emotions and can be a very difficult time of year for some. She therefore dedicates sections of the book to issues such as budgeting, being environmentally conscious, loneliness, and coping with grief and loss over the Christmas period.
Before your preparations get underway, grab your journal and consider the questions and ideas below, which were all inspired by my reading of Calm Christmas and a Happy New Year*.
What is important to you about Christmas?
To get you thinking about what is important to you about the festive period, Kempton defines all the different aspects of Christmas that we experience (including, faith, magic, connection, abundance and heritage) and encourages you to ponder for a while on how significant they have been in your life and how much you want them to be a part of your celebrations going forward. Perhaps the religious aspect of Christmas has always been important to you and you want to make time to attend the church services that are being held in your local area or maybe Christmas is about connecting with others and so you want to plan in plenty of family gatherings and activities with your friends.
How do you want to spend Christmas this year?
Once you have considered your Christmas past, Kempton then guides you into Christmas present, where you will set your intentions for the festive period. This enables you to celebrate Christmas in a way that is most appropriate for you, considering the type of activities you have enjoyed in the past and also what the current year has been like for you. If there has been a lot going on for you this year then you may want a quieter Christmas, where you stay at home and do not make any particular plans, or you might want to get away from it all and enjoy some winter sun!
How are you going to take care of yourself over the festive season?
I have made the mistake time and time again where I neglect myself in some way as I get lost in all the hubbub that Christmas brings. It has even got to the point where I have ended up ill or injuring myself as I have barely stopped to catch my breath! Identify your self-care non-negotiables and make sure that you carry them out each day (such as exercising regularly, taking time in the day to rest, eating healthy meals and getting the sleep you need).
Think about ways that you can make things easier for yourself to stop the overwhelm from building up. This may include going through your ‘To Do’ list and deciding what tasks to delegate or drop and getting anything you can in advance so that you are not rushing around at the last minute.
What causes you stress over Christmas? How can you best respond to these stressors?
There is a really useful exercise in the book where you list out any triggers that typically occur over the festive period and then look at how they affect you and how you could respond in a calmer way. While it may take some time and practice to embed your alternative responses, it will also get you thinking proactively about what actions you can take to prevent or minimise stress.
Who do you want to spend your time and money on?
Stop and think about who you would like to spend the festive period with and how you would like to spend time with them. Are their certain friends and family you would really love to meet up with? Are there people you would rather not visit anymore? What activities do you want to do with family and friends over Christmas?
Before you head online or out to the bustling shopping centres, consider who you need to buy presents for (and whether it is really necessary to do so), your budget for each person, and what kind of gift would be most appropriate for them so that you do not end up wasting your money. Kempton’s guidelines for buying mindful, meaningful and memorable gifts are worth bearing in mind before you make any purchases this Christmas! I also like to think about what the person’s goals are for the year to come and to buy presents that will help them to achieve their goals.
What boundaries are you going to set? How are you going to communicate your wishes to others?
Christmas is often a family affair and your celebrations will have undoubtedly been influenced by your loved ones. However, you may yearn for a change and therefore it is important to let others know your thoughts so that you can decide how you are all going to celebrate this year and manage expectations carefully.
A big part of this is mapping out and establishing your boundaries so have a good think about what you are (and are not) willing to do this Christmas and ensure that you follow through! If there are certain people who you find it difficult to socialise with then perhaps you will set a limit on how much time you spend with them or, if possible, politely turn down an invitation to attend their party. You may decide that you are fed up with cooking Christmas dinner this year and ask someone else to do it or book your family into a restaurant instead. You could also set yourself some boundaries such as how much you are willing to spend on others and how far you are going to go with decorating and getting the house ready for Christmas.
If you like to journal as much I do, you will be pleased to find that this book is abundant with journal prompts for the festive season and it will certainly make you contemplate your approach to Christmas.
I also loved that this book invites you into a period of reflection after all the festivities have taken place and ‘the hush’ descends (as Kempton puts it). During that liminal space between Christmas and New Year, Kempton asks you to look over the events of the past few weeks and pick out what worked well and what didn’t work so well. This enables you to make any further tweaks to your plans when next Christmas rolls around. You then welcome in the new year by considering what you have learned from the year gone by, what you want for the year ahead, and map out what you need to do to bring your dreams to life.
The messages and reflections that I have taken from Calm Christmas and a Happy New Year* will serve me well for many years to come. In fact, I popped them in my Christmas planner and this year they will be my aide-memoire as I go about making my preparations.
Want to make a plan for a calmer Christmas? Pour yourself a cup of your favourite hot beverage, download my free Christmas planner, and have read of the accompanying article, Keeping your cool at Christmas time.
